Comment Wall
Portfolio Link
Introduction to Joshua the Biology major
My name is Joshua Cohlmia and I was born and raised in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. Being raised here made it an easy choice to continue my education at the University of Oklahoma. My major is Biology/Pre-Dental. The most interesting part of my major is that I've taken lots of difficult science classes but have never once learned about teeth. It's weird taking all these classes that don't apply directly yo my job in the future. The most interesting class I took last semester was molecular biology. Having a pandemic while taking these science classes has been awesome (for class not in everyday life) because a lot of teachers have been using Covid-19 as an example and I've gotten to learn so much about it. Last semester I finally reached my goal of achieving a 4.0 which I had never done before. My favorite movie is Die Hard because it ties my two favorite things together, Christmas and action. My favorite book is the Harry Potter series because it was the first series of book...
Hi Joshua!
ReplyDeleteI love the story of the cunning crane and the crab. I have seen a lot of people choose this story for their portfolio and I like how you kept the content the same and just retold it based on your own words! Stories would often be passed on through generations by people telling them, and it wasn't until more recently people began to write them down. As people told these stories to their kids details changed and dialogue changed as well, so I think it is important to tell a story in your own way! One thing I would look at is maybe making the dialogue a little more clear. Some of the dialogue was hard to differentiate between the characters, but I think that maybe has a bit more to do with the layout of the story. I would also check on the link to your comment wall in your portfolio! I wasn't able to access the comment wall from your portfolio, the link appeared to be broken or took me to the wrong place. (Just something to note). I love where you're going with it so far and I am interested to see what other pieces you put in here!
Hey Joshua! I really liked the layout of your website, and the images you chose for it. Specifically, I really liked the opening banner with the dock, as it set the tone for the stories. It also matched well with the blue background and color scheme. I read over your story “The Cunning Crane and the Crab” and I really enjoyed it. The alliteration with the repeating C’s really drew me in, and the added details helped build the world up more. The dialogue helped progress the narrative forward, but I feel like it could add more details and insights into the character. For example, we know the crane is cunning and deceitful, and the dialogue can show how creative he can be when tricking the fish. The dialogue can also show how wise the crab is, and it can help develop the world more. Overall, it’s a great story!
ReplyDeleteHello Joshua! As soon as I arrived to your site I noticed the large and beautiful image. Your site is very visually appealing throughout and very easy to navigate from page to page to find what I'm looking for. The only advice I can give you is to give a title to your stories on the navigation tabs. "Story 1" and "Story 2" work, but if you were to put the story titles, or even an abbreviated version, it would allow the readers to more easily find the stories they are looking for. Other than that your site is fantastic! I just finished reading "Twins are Born". It was a fun and easy story to read and comprehend. I found it enjoyable and I can see many of the concepts in your story from the Ramayana. One thing I noticed is that you didn't mention which story/stories gave you the inspiration for this retelling. The reason I say that is because I go back to the original stories so that I can better understand the changes that you made. Either way, you did a great job building your site and telling a great story. Awesome job!
ReplyDeleteHi Joshua!
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed reading both of your stories. First off, I love the main page on your portfolio. It is very calming to look at, and I love the colors and design style. I noticed that the two stories you have are untitled, so you should title them to make them sound more interesting! I really like your retelling of "The Cunning Crane and the Crab". It was really easy to follow and I like how you are going with the theme of teaching lessons within your stories. The second story was also easy to follow and interesting to read! I think it would be more interesting if you included more details, but I think you are still working on it after reading the author's note. Some detail to include would be scenes in the war and the capturing of the leader. Maybe some dialogue can help also. I look forward to reading more, great work!
Joshua! Immediately when I opened your storybook, the layout of the home page caught my eye! It was very pleasing to the eye and seemed interactive. I enjoyed the story you told and the overall meaning of the story. I think by adding a story based off a children book is creative. And because of the strong meaning it holds it created a lot more emotion! I agree that you should not trust anyone blindly, you must be aware of your surroundings. Though they are animals, they do convey many meanings that we should learn from. In regard to your second story, I enjoyed that it was a story that was inspired by what you have learnt from the Ramayana. The idea of twins and the difference in their personalities was very cool to read. Very creative of you! A very well-done job, and I look forward to reading more of your stories!
ReplyDeleteHello, Joshua! I enjoy the image you have for the home screen of your project. I also really enjoy the stories you've included for your project as well. I thoroughly enjoyed the Cunning Crane and the Crab the first time I read it for class. It was also my first story I do believe. I enjoyed the take you had on the story very much. Your Author's Note was very appreciated for both stories as well. Your "Twins Are Born" story was very well written and I thought it was a nice read. There was hardly any dialogue, but I think that you did a good job with the language you used to write the story itself. I like how you set up the story and describe the twins' "6th sense." Overall, very good job. Keep up the good work and good luck on your final project!
ReplyDeleteHey Joshua!
ReplyDeleteI love your storybook layout. I think that it is so cute and comforting. The storybook background has some sort of eye-catching element. The picture that you used goes well with the story and that is some good job that you have done there. I read your story of The cunning Crane and the Crab. Your story was easy to follow. It was creative to where it also taught the reader a lesson about the Crane. I saw the Crane as some individual that also greed in life and they will do anything to take down others around him. Then we always have this one smart guy that is able to save himself and defeat the bad guy. I love it. Also some actual conversation between the fishes might make the story even more interesting. I think if you were to add dialogue, it's gonna feel like the fish are human talking.
Hi Joshua,
ReplyDeleteI am doing Week 12's project feedback which is focusing on the Author's Note section of your project. I read both of your Author's Note sections and have comments on both! For your first story, I believe you did a great job describing what you were aiming for as well as the morals that are portrayed in the story. However, one thing I mentioned was that you said "the story" a LOT. It was almost distracting because that phrase was used over and over again. Perhaps you could call the story by its name occasionally or use a different phrase so that it is not so repetitive. Your Author's Note from Story 2 is much better at not being repetitive. For your second story, I believe this is a much stronger Author's Note. It discusses why you chose to write this kind of story and the challenges you had! Overall, great job.
Hello,
ReplyDeleteThe first thing I noticed was the aesthetic and cute of your page. I loved the images you used and they really made me happy as well as stood out. The color contrasts really took my attention. This is good because it means you were able to attract attention to your page and make the reader curious and excited to read your story .I think the author’s note you provided was really beneficial and explained/broke down your storyline well. I I love that you made your page relatable to the audience because I was really drawn to the moral type stories like the crab one. We have grown up with moral and reward/punishment stories so I liked that you carried that theme. I would focus on punctuation for example, I noticed you had some grammar errors, but I think besides these minor mistakes you did a really good job!
Hello Joshua,
ReplyDeleteI first want to point out how much I love the creativity and design of your website. Its so cozy and almost makes me feel like I am apart of this story. This is a great first impression and I can only imagine that it caught other peoples attention as well. I also want to say great job on your author's notes. Many of us are reading different versions of all of these Indian epics and having a good and detailed authors note is crucial. Therefore, after reading your author's note I felt a lot more familiar with. your stories and had a much better understanding. I think one tip that helps a reader feel more invested and a part of the story is by adding dialogue, which you have little to none of. Overall, I think you have a wonderful page and as well as some great stories put together.
Hey Joshua,
ReplyDeleteYour portfolio is so aesthetically pleasing! I do have a tiny suggestion though- it would be great if you can put actual story names on the bar above rather than just using "Story 1, 2 or 3." It would just help people navigate your website better and would give them a better idea about the stories. A lot of people visit the homepage and just leave, so, you might want to give your readers a better peek at your portfolio. For example, I really like reading Krishna stories, but at the first glance I had no idea if you had a Krishna story on your portfolio. So, I had to click at all the stories to find one. I really enjoyed it though! I just feel your author's note was a bit on the shorter side. Also, it seems that the picture you used in your home page is a stock photo, and those are usually copyrighted. You might want to check on that too. Great job on the stories!